IF ANYONE KNOWS WHERE I CAN PURCHASE THE “SPARKLE AND FADE FUZZY POCKET COAT” FROM URBAN OUTFITTERS PLEASE LET ME KNOW
URBAN OUTFITTERS SOLD OUT AND I CAN’T FIND IT ANYWHERE ELSE ONLINE.
URBAN OUTFITTERS SOLD OUT AND I CAN’T FIND IT ANYWHERE ELSE ONLINE.
Today me and Michelle went the irvine park for sizdah berdah and we were just walking around when I saw you. I saw you and you looked so beautiful, you growing a scruffy beard and it looks so sexy and your so tall and you were wearing long sleeves and ugh my gosh you were so beautiful. I didn’t make eye contact but idk if you saw me or not, michelle noticed and almost ran to him but A showed up and we just started to talk to him and yeah. me and michelle kept walking around to see if we can find you again but we couldn’t. I keep telling myself if its meant to be it’ll be. When I saw you I didn’t want to like kiss you or say i love you or anything, i just wanted to stare at you. I wanted to see your face. I haven’t seen you in a year.. I just wanted to see your face.
Something I’ll always cherish and hopefully say at their wedding (because they truly are the Lily & Marshall/ Pam & Jim of our group), is witnessing the moment where D & R started to become a couple and soon in love. I don’t know why Im writing this now or why Im even thinking of it but I am. That moment where we were all at the Alzheimer’s Fundraiser, I turned around and I saw them both at the piano, teaching each other of what they knew how to play some notes on the piano. Their smiles and their eyes looking at each other. Of course I did feel like left out, just standing there but I saw them and it was really beautiful. Everyone else was doing their own thing but I saw them and it just makes me smile. And if they do get married, I’ll hopefully get to say this and read the tumblr message D sent me saying that she might like somebody. I think its hilarious and adorable and yeah.
Yesterday I guess daddy was foshing mommy in front of Kion and mommy called me to her room and I saw her packing her bags. I had never seen her that upset before. She was crying so much and she just packed up and left. I felt bad that I wasn’t sad or anything and I thought about it and I realized- I was happy. It felt like they were actually divorced and that made me happy. Its unfortunate but its true. She wasn’t home until she picked me up this morning for school. It felt so empty and quiet at home without her, but it still felt nice cause it felt like they were divorced. It felt like I was staying at my dads house for the weekend and mommy was going to pick me up to go to her house, it was interesting. But it’s not like she really left cause she talked to me every 10 minutes on the phone cause she was bored and she went to a motel 10 minutes away. I thought I saw daddy about to cry but I don’t know. He’s so stubborn and ignorant and dumb and mommy has anger issues and is just frustrating to talk to. If only mommy had a job or was educated or something than she could support herself and not have to depend on daddy so she could get a divorce and live her own life. Oh well, hopefully i’ll go to college someplace else and if I go to JC than idk. I just don’t like this family, its too late to become the Brady Bunch. I can see why they both hate each other and it’s so complicated and difficult to explain cause their so stubborn and ugh. I just want to punch them, but I love them too much, kind of.
I never liked listening to songs from a while ago because I hate living in the past (when it comes to music), I like to listen to what I like now; not what I liked back then. Last year was so so so different, and right now, Im listening to Birdy-Skinny Love. I know, it’s not an old song and it’ll most likely never get old but this song has a lot of memories of me in my room listening to it, thinking of kabob, and sometimes crying and and wanting more than what I have now. I feel like I should cry or tear up or something but I just feel shaky and I want to listen to it. I wish it was last year again. Late Spring-Early Summer was so amazing. My classes, my high waisted shorts and white shirt, having an exciting feeling about summer. It was so nice. Im going to stop listening to this song because it’s making me sad.
i don’t think i’ve ever cried this hard. 50% of the time I’m happy and i love everything and the other 50% I want to bawl my eyes out. I hate everything right now. My family is literally falling apart: Mohsen has diabetes, maman has high blood pressure and old age issues, baba has prostate issues and old age stuff, roza mommy and afsaneh have back problems, mehdi is the only safe one. My social life is literally the worst thing ever. I hate my friends (the only 2 ones) with a passion and I have no guy friends and all I want is to go hang out with a group, I WANT to go out to dinner with a group, I WANT to have more than 3 people to talk to. I DONT WANT MONEY OR A BOYFRIEND OR ANYTHING ELSE. I just want to have real friends. M is so boring and stupid and UGH i just want to slap her sometimes but i’ve known her for forever and its just UGH I HATE EVERYTHING and she has all these guys talk to her and she goes out and she goes to prom and homecoming and D has a boyfriend so she has his friends and goes out and stuff I HAVE NOBODY. NOBODY. I WANT TO SCREAM AND CRY AND JUST PUNCH A WALL I FUCKING HATE EVERYTING RIGHT NOW I FUCKING HATE IT. WHY CANT I HAVE FRIENDS WHY WHY WHY IM SO UNHAPPY ALL THE FUCKING TIME. WHY AM I SO SHY WHY AM I SO RESERVED WHY AM I SO WEIRD WHY DONT GUYS TALK TO ME WHY DONT GIRLS TALK TO ME WHY AM I AFRAID WHY I HATE MYSELF. I JUST WANT TO START ALL OVER I WANT TO BE BORN AGAIN AND JUST CHANGE EVERYTHING. I FUCKING HATE THIS I WANT TO LEAVE I WANT TO RUN AWAY. IM TIRED OF PUTTING A SMILE ON MY FACE ALL THE TIME WHEN DEEP DOWN I WANT TO- WEL IDK BUT I JUST DON’T WANT THIS. I DONT WANT TO DIE IM NOT SUICIDIAL OR ANYTHING BUT I JUST WANT TO LEAVE PLEASE.
Seriously i really wanted to go to your ‘concert’ even if i just saw a glimpse of you, i just wanted to be there.. but michelle was leaving the next day so of course i wanted/had to be with her. Even people that your not even friends with went and they were like ‘omg i went it was so hawt’ like shut the fuck up. Im literally at war with myself and have been for the past 2 years. fuck you for making me feel this way but i still really like you or i think BAH fuck!!!!!! >___< I just need to see you again.. maybe that’ll clear stuff up. probably not, i’ll get all nervous and wave and do something embarrassing and just regret it -__- i need to be friends with you. I can’t just start talking to you now, that will be weird.. maybe i can like one of your photos on instagram.. but you unfollowed me. FUCK i guess this means i just shouldn’t have any contact with you what so ever.. fuckity fuck fuck, if you didn’t have a specific type… idk.